Nicole Flockton

Be whatever you want to be.

11 August 2005

To Work or Not to Work - That is the Dilema?

I woke up this morning and 'felt' different. Trying to work out just what the difference was didn't take long. No it wasn't the fact that I'd started a blog but the urge to post my feelings in my blog was pretty prominent. LOL

Anyway the different feeling was the fact that yesterday I drew the proverbial line in the sand. The line that says you've finished one phase of your life and are ready to start a new one.

For me that was the decision to stop being a stay at home mum and enter the workforce again on a fulltime basis.

Oh I'd been working 2 days a week since November but this was going to be every day 8.30am to 5pm.

Why did I want to change? Well a couple of reasons and one of them was a change was going to occur in the office and I'd decided not to be pushed around but to stand up for what I believe. And that belief was that I was the person for the job not someone else.

The dynamics of a small office are intriguing, especially when you really are the "newcomer". The bosses brother-in-law works for him, the accounts lady has been there for eons and knows everything and her sister has been there for a few years too. Enter me the 'new' girl. But also someone who is very capable. Perhaps there was a feeling of job security being threatened, who knows. All I know is that I wanted to be considered for the position and not just shoved aside, after all I had been doing the job for 8 months now.

The second was a financial reason. I was tired of struggling and I want to be able to provide the kids with a future that included being able to be clothed every year, holidays, new shoes etc etc.

So the first feeling after making the decision to work is GUILT. Am I doing the right thing by my kids. After several discussions with my wonderful husband and my dad the answer is a category "yes".

As my dad so succinctly put it, I could stay home and struggle and stress about paying bills or I could work and know that things will be okay. He also said that he believed that I could do both. Work and still be a good mother. The important thing was HE BELIEVED IN ME! And do you know what? That's all I wanted to hear. Someone say, You can do it!

Childcare costs will be a killer but you know I think its going to be worth it.

So on one hand I'm sad that I won't have the free time I used to and be at home with my kids. But I'm excited about the new phase of my life.



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